Brightest Day #11
(Warning, the following review contains a LOT of sarcasm)
Brightest Day, return of the Black Lanterns! Or at least that's what the cover would have you believe. Let's see if this is in fact the return of those skin rotting, emotion eating, Black Ring wearing zombies! We start off with Deathstorm, yes that's his name, because apparently Black Lantern persona's feel the need to change their names. I can't wait to see Martian Death-hunter and Aquadeath. (Sarcasm) Anyway, Deathstorm says he's not gonna hurt Ronnie and Jason, he's going to emotionally torture them and make them hate each other so they cause another big bang and kill everyone. Nice way to take advantage of the thing we learned last issue and already make it a threat. I'm assuming this won't work since Brightest Day is supposed to go until like Spring. As cheesy as the name Deathstorm is, I can't help but like him, as well as the awesome artwork of Death slowly surging through Professor Stein when Deathstorm wraps his bony, decaying fingers around Stein's neck. Deathstorm then does a genius thing, he absorbs Stein, basically doing the same thing Ronnie did to Jason in Blackest Night. From there we jump over to see Aquaman and Black Manta fighting it out as Jackson, his father, Siren and her guards. Aquaman tells Jackson to run, and he does... then we go back to the Firestorm crew. Well that seemed like a pointless cutaway. Deathstorm tries to turn Jason and Ronnie against each other, all with the subtlety of a Circus trying to sneak through a subway. The boys tire of his crap and form Firestorm, complete with BOLD LETTERING and unleash "THE FURY OF FIRESTORM!", patent pending. We then jump over to Aquaman and Manta again, Manta says he still remembers the sound Arthur's son made when he killed him. Well, it's the thought that counts right? Anyway his mind games don't work, but Manta still manages to get the better of Aquaman. We then jump over to Jason Rusch's dad house because if he doesn't have anything to do with White Lanterns and Brightest Day than I don't know WHAT does! He's having a pity party over being a sucky dad to Jason. He even says he deserves the World's Worst Dad trophy. I'd probably reserve that for Deathstroke or Captain Boomerang since he ate his son's heart or someone who matters. Deathstorm pops up with a Microphone for some reason and pulls Jason's dad into the body too... I could make a joke about five men in one body but for your sake I won't. He says he's gonna use Jason's dad to screw with Jason some more, okay then. Back with Aquaman and Manta, they fight and with a semi truck drives by Aquaman pushes him in front of the truck. Yeah, because that doesn't endanger anyone apparently. Aquaman, Jackson and Jackson's dad then get a ride from the truck driver.... um.... alright. Back with the Firestorm five, Firestorm chases Deathstorm around in theur mind or something, They finally reach their destination and Deathstorm grabs the vacant White Lantern that's been sitting in that small town. He infects it with some evil then lifts the Lantern and is about to destroy when someone interrupts and tells him to bring it to them. He tells Deathstorm the 12 that rose must be stopped, then the only interesting thing in the comic happens. I won't ruin it for anyone who doesn't wanna know though. Well that issue was crap. Nothing good happened until the last few pages, and even that was more shock value than anything. Deathstorm is more annoying than he is funny as the issue goes on. I get that they cut back and forth in stories like most forms of entertainment do (TV Shows, other comics, movies), but all this does is slow down the excitement and kill big moments. If what happened at the end didn't happen I'd be giving this comic a one, but since it did and now I'm curious for the next issue so I'll give it a 2.5/10.
Black Manta: I still remember the sound your son made when I gut him like a fish.
Red Hood: The Lost Days #5
Okay, say what you want... but Jason looks like a Wang with huge muscle arms on this cover. Also why does his helmet not have eye holes? Anyway... We pick up where we left off with Jason at gunpoint by some crazy Russian mobsters. Jason tries to bluff his way out of the situation but when that doesn't work he makes himself throw up then uses the distraction to subdue some the men that have him at gunpoint. Jason takes the leader, holds a gun to his head and gets the Russians to let him go, and he takes off. From there Jason ambushes his bombs expert teacher, and tells him to tell Jason where the secondary bomb site is. When the former teacher refuses, Jason drops a small bomb on his chest, telling him the bomb won't kill him but it will blow off most of his jaw and maybe his eyes, then he lights the fuse. Jason stops the bomb when his former teacher sings like a Canary, but Jason keeps him tied up anyway and leaves another bomb, set to explode in 18 hours, so if Jason doesn't return to disarm it, his former teacher will die. Jason heads out to try to stop the suicide bombers since he couldn't get to the bombs and disarm them all. Jason finds one of the bombers, a student who didn't even realize the bomb had been planted into his book bag. Jason warns the student to go home and dump his hard drive so he won't be the patsy he's been set up to be. Jason continues to go around finding all the bombs which have been planted in the bags of Arab kids, to make it seem as if it's a terrorist attack. Jason goes after the last bomb and discovers that the student who it's been planted on is in traffic on the Westminster Bridge, which would obviously cause a ton of deaths and injuries. Jason holds her at gunpoint and tells her to give him her bag, she opens it and sees the bomb and surrenders the bag to Jason who discovers he has no time and has to disarm it there on the bridge. Jason's interrupted when a British officer tells him to move his bike off the sidewalk, Jason whips his gun out on the officer and tells him to back up so he can finish diffusing the bomb. Jason eventually runs out of time so he throws the bomb off the bridge into the water below. Jason heads back to his home base and is ambushed by the Russian Mafia, who've "rescued" his former teacher and beat the hell out of him until he told them where Jason was staying. Jason springs into action and quickly kills everyone in the room, cause he's all cool like that. Jason finally comes to the Russian boss and is about to kill him, after the leader fails to bribe Jason with money, drugs, and everything else he finally utters the line of the issue to get Jason's attention. This was an okay issue, kinda slow but nothing amazing. I'm wondering what happens in the last issue and if Talia will introduce Jason to Hush, this has been a pretty good mini and I can't wait to see how this chapter of Jason's story ends. I'll give it a 7/10.
Russian Mobster: I know where The Joker is!
Jason Todd: Okay... Now you have my full attention.
Deadpool Max #1
Deadpool Max is what happens when you take a character like Deadpool that has no limits in terms of what he'll do and make a comic that allows explicit content. I'm wondering how far Deadpool will go, so let's find out. We start out with Action Officer Bob reporting in with someone about his recent mission. His first phase was to take down Hammerhead, the boss of the International Crime Syndicate Maggia. We see that in order to get in, Bob had to sleep with a homosexual member of the syndicate, a huge dude named Bruno. Right off the bat we see this isn't an ordinary comic. We see Bob get a key to Hammerhead's suite then insert it into his crap, yes, literally his crap, then dropped it down the clothing shaft so another agent could retrieve it. Deadpool was supposed to enter and take care of everyone discreetly, but that plan doesn't work as Hammerhead enters the room holding Deadpool's head in one hand and his body in the other while Bob hides in the closet. Hammerhead throws a fit and punches Bruno in the face, telling him he's head of Security and it's his job to handle that stuff, and to bring him info on whoever the "ninja" is. Two hours later Bruno brings Hammerhead a picture of Deadpool standing next to a captured Osama Bin Laden. Bruno tells Hammerhead that Deadpool is a Legendary C.I.A. agent that's been called unkillable, and when his leg was blown off he just grew it back. When naming all the ways that Deadpool has survived death, one line was so absurd it made line of the issue, you can see it below but it's kinda out there. Hammerhead doesn't believe the rumors and tells Bruno to cut up Deadpool's head and send it to the C.I.A., the White House and everywhere else. From there, Bob manages to steal the head, causing everyone else to get freaked out and think the disembodied head of Deadpool was going to come murder them. Bruno got so freaked out he studied the tape over and over, and discovered that Deadpool was never shot so how could he have bled out. He then suspects Bob to have something to do with it and pulls a knife out on him. We find out that Deadpool put his costume on one of the men he killed and that was the body we've seen which was pretty genius. Then Deadpool went and got drunk in the wine cellar and passed out, so now Bob was on his own. Before Bruno could attack Bob, Hammerhead came in, and the irate man beat the hell out of Bruno for not finding the missing Deadpool head. Before Bruno could even explain Hammerhead headbutted him causing Bruno's head to explode. I'll leave Bob's fate a mystery unless anyone cares enough to ask about the ending, but this was a graphic comic with a lot of swearing, and I didn't mind. This comic was fine, especially for a first issue but nothing amazing. More Deadpool, less Bob is all I gotta say. The next issue will apparently have Inez a.k.a. Outlaw which I love because I'm a huge fan of her, so I'll probably check that one out. As for this issue I'll give it a 6/10.
Bruno: They say the Yakuza believes he's possessed by a demon. They tattoo his image on the dicks of their soldiers so they never forget to be vigilant.
Well that didn't take long at all eh? Thanks for joining me guys, here's hoping you enjoyed this weeks Ratings and Rantings. Also, it's that time again for the Top Five 5! You guys know how it goes, you send me your top five picks for each category at KevinKavalier@gmail.com and I'll post the answers this Sunday, as well as a new poll and the results of this weeks poll. Make sure ya send your picks in ASAP so you don't forget. The topics are below, and here's hoping you guys participate. Until next time, I'm your friendly neighborhood Blogger-Man, Jason Todd.
Top Five Least Favorite Comic Couples (Romance only, no Bromance)
Top Five Members of your personal JLA Squad (If Batman which one, if GL which one, etc.)
Top Five Characters that need a Reboot
Top Five Ongoing Comics you recommend reading
Top Five would be if you went to a Halloween Party
Next Time on Ratings and Rantings
Booster Gold #37, Bruce Wayne - The Road Home Batgirl, The Road Home - Batman and Robin, The Road Home - Red Robin, Green Lantern #58, Emerald Warriors #3, Generation Lost #11, Titans #28, Daken Dark Wolverine #2, and Shadowland #4. (Ten Comics... I better enjoy this short comic week.)