Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Green Blogger Corps #1

The following is a satire, written by me. Why was it written by me? Because I was bored. Sure I could have gone and played some PS3, but instead I wanted to put my comedic skills to the test. Anyway, I'm including some of my friends and co-bloggers, and remember this is a joke. I don't mean to alienate my newer readers but there's a lot of inside jokes, but still feel free to read and enjoy. If anyone's offended, oh well. But no really, if anyone is offended it's not meant to offend, it's just a fun little story I wrote to hopefully make people laugh. Comments and criticism is welcome. Now without further adieu, I present...

The Green Blogger Corps #1
Written by: Jeff Geons

A man is shown standing at a bar, he's wearing a brown jacket, blue jeans and some dark sunglasses. He swishes his glass in a small circle, making the ice circle it, to cool off his drink. He turns when he feels a hand on his shoulder, and is face to face with his the woman he's had a crush on for years, she stands in front of him with a Violet (or um... Sapphire? *wink* *wink*) blazer and a black skirt. The man removes his shades while looking the woman up and down, before she speaks.

"Well, if it isn't the number one test pilot this side of Coast City, the world renown JT Jordan." says the woman.

"That's me, and if it isn't my beautiful boss and longtime friend, Ms. Falisha Ferris. May I ask why you wanted to see me Ms. Ferris?" JT Jordan says while leaning his back against the bar.

"Well Jordan, I've been thinking about getting out of Coast City for a while, with the upcoming two week shutdown I was going to head out to Metropolis, and I was wondering if you'd like to join me."

"Metropolis? Why there?"

"Well, I've been thinking of taking a few art classes there and that'll be a good place to start. I can work with some more well known people and learn more abo--"

Falisha Ferris is cut off by JT Jordan's cellphone ringing. She motions for him to answer it, which he does. He's surprised to hear his Red haired team member, Nagash Gardner on the other end of it.

"Jordan, I'm guessin' ya ain't got ya ring on again, or else you'd know the big headed blue's are calling a meeting on Oa, and they've requested you, me and Rayner personally. So get your green butt in gear!" Nagash says before abruptly hanging up the phone.

"I'm sorry Falisha, I... gotta go somewhere, it's an emergency, but we'll talk about it. Metropolis may be a good change of scenery." JT Jordan replies as he heads for the door. Once outside he goes to his car and grabs his glowing green ring out of the Glove compartment. He slips the ring on and a green and black suit covers his body and a trademark red Mask, because he's cool like that. He flies towards the sky, headed to the Green Lantern home world, Oa.

(Captain JT Jordan was chosen to represent an intergalactic police force created by the oldest beings in existence-- The Guardians of The Universe. Protecting Earth and all of Space Sector 2814 from every extraterrestrial threat imaginable, JT Jordan shines his light proudly as The Green Blogger!)

JT Jordan finally arrives on Oa and he's joins Nagash Gardner, who is also dressed in the same Green Blogger suit as JT (minus the cool red mask). Jordan goes to shake hands with Nagash, who instead forms a hand from his power ring to shake JT's hand. JT shoots Nagash a look, who returns it with a sly smirk.

"So where an' the hell is Rayner at? I know he got the message because I checked with him before I called yer ass." Nagash says to JT.

"I'm right here Red, calm yourself, can't a guy say goodbye to his girlfriend without you blowing a gasket?" Marc Rayner says while walking up and patting Nagash on the back.

"Oh is that what you were doing? I figured the great and powerful artist Marc Rayner was busy sketching pictures of your boy Grant Morrison facing off with Spider-Man." JT teased at Marc.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say Jordan. I get dissed from the guy that does one review a week and does an average job at best! Anyway, you know what the Guardians called us for?"

"No idea Marc, how about you Nagash? They tell you anything since you've been here?"

"Not a thing Jordan, just ta' wait here for you two and then eventually they'd send someone out fer us."

"Hey Poozers!" a voice boomed from the other side of the room. "The little guys are ready for ya."

The three Green Bloggers turned and were face to... um... chest with the primary trainer of the Green Blogger Corps, and one hell of a tough S.O.B., Kellowog!

"Kellowog, long time no see ya big scary bastard! How the new recruits been treatin' ya? Any of em need a good ol' fashioned Gardner kick in the ass?" Nagash exclaimed.

"Nah, they fall in line as soon as I approach them, and if not I smack them with issues of the Fantastic Four until they do. Now, lets get you Poozers in there, the sooner we end this the sooner I can watch the Simpsons. I swear you Poozers are later than a Flash....Poozer!"

(Note from the editor: Make sure to bring back Barry Allen, Ray Palmer, Old Captain Boomerang, Deathstroke's wife, Pa Kent, Dick Grayson's parents, Bruce Wayne's parents, and everyone else that has died since I was a child. - Jeff Geons)

Kellowog leads Nagash Gardner, Marc Rayner, and JT Jordan into the domain of the Guardians of the Universe, which turns out to be a big comic shop. The Guardians look down at the Bloggers, but don't talk because the reason their blue, is because their the Blue Man Group. They instead have a translator to speak for them, Tobias Funke'. (Arrested Development, look it up on youtube people!) The Blue man gr--er--Guardians of the Universe bang on some drums and blow confetti into the air, which apparently translates to...

"The Guardians wish to know why you are here." said the Guardians Translator. Our heroes look confused at one another, until JT Jordan steps forward.

"What do you mean why are we here? You guys summoned us! Gardner told us you wanted to meet with us, that's why I flew to this planet in the first place. I could be on a date instead of staring at you blue faced bastards so I want some answers!" Jordan yells at the Guardians, which echoes through the empty comic shop setting.

"Uh... no sir." Said Tobias, the interpreter. " The Guardians have not said anything all day, other than when they asked me to go out to get them Chili Cheese Fries. That I can guarantee."

"Well if the blue eggheads didn't send me the message through my ring, just who did?" Nagash asks.

Just as Nagash finishes his sentence, there's a huge blast on the side of the building knocking everyone down. The explosion causes rubble to fall from the ceiling, once that cracks Nagash in the head, knocking him out. The dust clears as JT, Marc and Kellowog get to their feet. The Guardians and Tobias have already run away like the chumps they are. Hovering over the debris of the blast is none other than former Green Blogger, and current wielder of fear, Sinestr-X!

"Well let me answer that question Gardner. I summoned you idiotic earthlings here. As a former Green Blogger I know the frequency your rings use, and I simply sent a message to Nagash, who I knew would relay it to Jordan and Rayner. And after I squash you fools, my Blog will be the only one for people to visit, and I'll rule with fear! I'll review things that will scare the crap out of everyone, like Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne!" Sinestr-X proclaimed.

"Hey! I liked that first issue you S.O.B.!" Marc Rayner yells, sending a blast from his power ring at Sinestr-X, who returns as blast as the two collide in mid-air and explode. Marc flies towards Sinestr-X as Kellowog and JT Jordan check on Nagash.

"I don't remember Nagash's hair being this long...or this red..." JT says to Kellowog.

"That's not his hair, that's blood you dumb Poozer! I gotta get him out of here. You and Rayner are gonna have to take on Sinestr-X alone."

"I haven't charged my ring yet! It's almost run outta juice. I hope Marc can handle him until I get back." JT Jordan flies towards the power battery on Oa, looking over his shoulder as large waves of Green and Yellow clash in the sky. He finally reaches the battery and points his ring at it while saying the Green Blogger Oath.

"Read Brightest Day, Read Blackest Night, No Comics shall escape my sight, Let those who worship Comics might,, Go visit my Site!!!!!" The power of every comic review and every comic fan creates a green light of Will and Money power that lights up JT's ring. It overflows with power as he pulls his fist in front of his face, staring at his ring with a heroic pose, before raising it up and flying back to the battle with an enormous burst of speed.

Meanwhile, a bloody but valiantly fighting Marc Rayner give all he has while fighting Sinestr-X. Marc sends wave upon wave of green constructed heroes who's comics he's reviewed, including Hellboy, Spider-Man and Ironman. Sinestr-X yells "FEAR!" before sending a giant Damian Wayne which obliterates Marc's attackers. But Sinestr-X is attacked from behind by Marc Rayner with a huge punch that draws blood from Sinestr-X's nose.

"You'll pay for that Alley Rat!" Sinestr-X yells while sending a blast that takes form of a giant sword for Marc's head.

"Alley Rat? Dude did you get that from the movie Aladdin?" Marc retorts while forming a chainsaw which cuts through Sinestr-X's sword. "Don't you know that with Great Power comes--

(Note from the editor - "You can't finish that line Marc, we'll get sued cause that belongs to the OTHER company." - Jeff Geons)

"Oh my bad dude, I'll just say *WHAM!*" Rayner started to say, before he was mashed in the chest with a yellow sledge hammer being held by Sinestr-X. Marc's body falls back towards Oa before he's caught by JT Jordan. He sets Marc Rayner down and says "That'll do kid, that'll do." (Yes I ripped off another movie, get off my back.)

"Jordan, I was starting to think you turned tail and went home. This'll be fun. I can destroy every single Green Blogger in one day, and get home in time for the Rangers game." Sinestr-X says while cracking his knuckles.

"No. This ends now Sinestr-X, you've attacked my friends, you've destroyed Oa, and most importantly... I'm a Red Wings fan, The Rangers suck!" JT Jordan states while he floats up in the sky, eye level with Sinestr-X, who's eyes bulge after hearing the Rangers remark. Both men raise their ring at one another, with the planet Oa shaking from the might of their power. (Dude... no lie Kung Fu Fighting just played on my computer from a random playlist...I'm so serious. - JT) The aura of both men, shading the background behind them, Green and Yellow clash as both men yell and fly towards one another ready for the clash of the century!

What will happen? Who will win? How awesome will the fight be? How many times will Kellowog say Poozer? How many more questions will I ask? Who actually liked this? Will I write a continuation?! You tell me, because you guys will decide if I continue this story by letting me know what ya liked, what ya didn't and so on! Maybe this will continue, if so, stay tuned for The Green Blogger Corps #2!!!!


  1. Lmao nice work. Loved it all.

    Lol nice cover.

  2. Thanks :D And you're just saying that cause YOU did the cover :P

  3. Sweet cover Falisha! You already know how I feel about this JT... Yes, you WILL be hearing from my lawyers!!! And yeah, I'm all ready EAGERLY anticipating issue #2!

  4. Lol well thanks guys. X, You having lawyers is definitely channeling that "FEAR!" You so greatly wield :P

    Thanks for the kind words Marc (Rayner), haha. I had to throw in your Spider-Man love and being a Mo-Fo (Morrison Follower) Lol, and I was hoping no one would take my jokes personally haha. Grant writing Spider-Man... that would be quite interesting though.

    Maybe he will Marc, I'd be lying if I said I knew, it was literally a write as it came to my mind thing. I was up late one night and I'm Nagash Gardner, Kellowog, JT Jordan, these are genius! Haha glad everyone seems to enjoy it so far.

  5. Um, wait a minute, there's really only one possible course for your next comic to go JT... Sinestr-X CRUSHES his opposition and is given a series of his own, the Sinestr-X-Files!

  6. Lmao... the Sinestr-X-Files. That's a good one X, but sadly I think I'll just have Sinestr-X get hit with a rock, fall out of the sky and fall into an erupting Volcano :D Or.... uh... just have JT Jordan knock him back to the STONE AGE BABY!!!

  7. Guy Gardner? I'm Guy freaking Gardner?

    Oh dear gods, what have I done to deserve this?

    It's funny, I'll give you that. Though why this is happening, why we're all wearing undesigner green spandex, and why this is on the same wavelength as the Batchannel, I don't know... ;)

    No, don't knock anybody back to the stone age, otherwise Trent Porridgeson will write a story about him being a bomb that'll blow up everyone when he gets back to the present. No, wait, he's already done that... Dammit...

  8. Lmao. Your name sounds better as Nagash Gardner than anything else, plus the red hair sealed the deal. Besides you get ALL the best lines :P

    Lol, with these comments maybe I should tap you to write an issue :P

  9. Nagashemada? I know not of Earth, but, well, yeah... I do also get Ice as a girlfriend. Hmmm
    You still need to decide on a Mogo as well ;)

    You've seen how bad my scheduling is. I. Am. Kevin Nagash, hells yeah *awesome guitar solo, bull horns and tongue out, explosions in the background*

  10. JT- I was on vacation when you posted this, so forgive my delayed praise.

    You Poozer, this is hilarious. I especially enjoyed the note about bringing back Deathstroke's dead wife, and the use of Tobias Funke, America's favorite "analrapist."

    Needless to type, I'm eagerly anticipating the next installment, as well as all the other types of Corps that could come about. Jeff Geons never does any small stories, does he?

  11. No problem at all Kello. I actually typed this the weekend you, X, and Marc were moving but I waited a week so you guys would be settled and have a chance to check it out but I forgot you were on vacation, so I'm glad ya got a chance to read it, Poozer. Lol now I can call you Kellowog and you'll know what I'm referencing.

    Thanks for the kind words haha, I was thinking of everyone who was dead in the DC Universe and she popped into my head, and hell, you and I both know you always gotta reference Simpsons, or Arrested Development. Plus making the Guardians the Blue Man Group, it pretty much wrote itself.

    Yeah, you know that Jeff Geons, he's always thinking of what to do next. I'm glad there's such an interest in the next G.B.C., I'll be sure to make sure that Geons gets to work on it. :P

    Oh, and thanks for reading dude, I appreciate you reading my non-comic related stuff as well, like this and my Office Script, so thanks again.